The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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