once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
