A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
