...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
