so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I could fuck to npr.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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