omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
