Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
