idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
