Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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