he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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