the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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