I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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