So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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