His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
vagina is talking i cant
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
