i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
