I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
