You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
