listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
