I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
