it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
