okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
