please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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