buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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