worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
