I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
