I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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