I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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