I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
