and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
