Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
