You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
