Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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