Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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