apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
