I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
