yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
