3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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