I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
