good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
