She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
