i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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