Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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