Please, let me fuck your mom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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