we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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