she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
