My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
