The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
