i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
