Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
