Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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