Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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