chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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