If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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