I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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