mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
