I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's like iHOP with fire
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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