Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
