A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
