I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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