what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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