I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
