guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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