pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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