Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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