How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
