yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
