i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Someone signed my nipple.
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