I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
