Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
