her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
