apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
