Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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