my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
