so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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