I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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