Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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